Hannah delivered our first son during her second year of residency. Our lives changed immediately, and so did the way we thought about training.
Residency was already demanding. Adding a baby meant learning how to parent inside long shifts, unpredictable schedules, exhaustion, childcare logistics, and the constant feeling that somebody or something needed more from us.
We learned a lot the hard way. These are some of the things that helped us most.
The time crunch is real.
Residency leaves very little margin. Long shifts, call, charting, and recovery can consume most of the week. Then the physician comes home to a child who has missed them and a spouse who may have been carrying the household alone.
That collision between physical exhaustion and wanting to be emotionally present was one of the hardest parts for us.
Hannah often talked about feeling mom guilt. She wanted to be fully present at work and fully present at home, but residency rarely makes that possible.
Learn how to come home.
Residency is emotionally draining too. One minute you may be caring for a critically ill patient, and the next you are walking through the door to a crying baby or an exhausted spouse.
One thing Hannah worked hard to do was finish as much charting as possible before leaving the hospital. Sometimes that meant staying later, but the goal was simple: when she came home, she wanted to actually be home.
My version looked different because I worked from home. It was easy for my workday to never really end. I eventually had to create a hard mental boundary. When I shut the office door, it meant I was switching roles and becoming dad and husband.
Build routines where you can.
When the hospital schedule is unpredictable, predictable routines at home matter even more.
Regular meals, bedtime routines, familiar weekend activities, and small family traditions gave our son consistency even when Hannah’s schedule changed constantly.
None of that is revolutionary. It was simply incredibly helpful.
Your support system matters more than you think.
We lived far away from both sides of our family, so the kind of help many young parents rely on was not readily available.
During the second and third years of residency, we were fortunate to have incredible neighbors who became a lifeline for us. We also became more involved in our church, which gave us relationships and support outside the hospital.
Residency can make a family feel isolated very quickly. Having even a few people who can help, listen, babysit, bring a meal, or simply understand that your life is unpredictable can make an enormous difference.
Flexibility becomes a family skill.
Plans will change. One parent may carry more of the parenting load during certain rotations. Events will be missed. Dinners will get moved. The house may not always be clean.
We learned to communicate often, adjust expectations, and let less important things slide when necessary.
The dishes can wait. Your family cannot always wait.
The childcare decision is a big one.
Reliable childcare is essential when one or both parents are working demanding schedules.
For us, a nanny worked best. We had care from 8 AM to 4 PM during the week, which provided consistency and one-on-one attention while giving us more flexibility than traditional daycare hours.
The tradeoff was cost. Childcare during residency can consume a painful percentage of your income.
Some families will prefer daycare. Others may use family, part-time care, nanny shares, or a combination of options. The right answer depends on your schedule, finances, support system, and what creates the most stability for your household.
Childcare can be a financial sacrifice worth making.
We had to accept that raising a family during residency might mean saving less money for a season.
That was difficult for me because I naturally wanted to optimize everything financially. But reliable childcare reduced stress, made our careers possible, and gave our family stability.
Sometimes the financially optimal decision and the healthiest family decision are not exactly the same.
There are silver linings too.
Raising a family during residency is not only about surviving something difficult.
It can make you resilient. It forces you to communicate. It makes you appreciate ordinary time together. It teaches you to prioritize quickly because you simply cannot do everything.
Our family learned to celebrate small wins because those wins mattered.
What helped us most.
Communicate openly. Talk about the schedule, the pressure, the resentment, the wins, and what each person needs.
Set realistic expectations. Some weeks will be survival mode. That does not mean your family is failing.
Stay organized. Shared calendars and planning ahead helped us tremendously, even when those plans inevitably changed.
Ask for help. Family, friends, neighbors, church, therapists, childcare—use the support available to you.
Make time for fun. It does not need to be elaborate. A walk, movie night, playground trip, or simple dinner together counts.
Celebrate wins. Finished a brutal rotation? Celebrate it. Made it through a terrible week? Acknowledge that too.
Are you crazy for raising a family in residency?
Maybe a little.
But I do not think having children during residency automatically means sacrificing your family or your career.
It does mean you will need flexibility, support, grace, communication, and the willingness to forgive each other when the system stretches everyone thin.
Raising a family during residency was difficult for us. It was also one of the most meaningful seasons of our lives.